He Said...

ESKIMO REVIEWS:30 Days of Night

I have a penchant for vampire movies.  Perhaps it is my love for Anne Rice novels…or the memory of seeing Nosferatu or The Lost Boys for the first time….or perhaps my first movie date being Bram Stoker's Dracula.  Whatever the reason, it is not so much the night stalking, blood sucking aspects of vampire lore that intrigues me as much as the themes of eternal life, and the ability to "change over" a victim, whether intended or not.  It is the not so much the horror or gore or that compels me as much as the different takes on the vamipiristic history and mythology.  All vampire movies have a common thread, yet each is unique in its own way.  Sometimes a stake through the heart will kill a vampire…other times you have to chop off his head.  Sometimes vampires are portrayed as mindless killing machines….in other instances they can be tragically romantic characters.  It is up to the story-teller to create the rules, and it is seeing how the story plays out  based on these rules that I enjoy so much.

So, of course, when 30 Days of Night came out on DVD I immediately took it home and made myself comfortable in the living room, lights out, with stout drink in one hand, and the DVD control in the other.

I have to say that I was not disappointed.  I thought that overall the movie was very entertaining; despite the panning it got from critics when it was released.  What I feared to be the weak link going in to the film- namely the acting ability of Josh Hartnett- actually turned out to be a strength.  Hartnett's strong-yet-silent type delivery played well into the mood of the film.

So what is this movie about?  It's a pretty brilliant idea in my opinion.  Based on a comic book limited series by Steve Niles, the film centers around a small Alaskan community that becomes even smaller (population-wise) each winter when the town experiences 30 days of darkness.  Most of the residents head south, but a few hundred remain.  Of course, an isolated town stuck in 30 days of darkness is the perfect hunting ground for a coven of blood thirsty vampires.

And the concept of the vampires was great!  Probably 20 or so blood suckers descend on the town.  As a group they display a pronounced pack mentality, subservient to the "alpha male" who directs the slaughter of the town.  And a simple stake through the heart won't take them out.  These vampires are fast and strong and merciless; and nothing short of sunlight or decapitation will slow them down. 

The movie plays out like you might expect, as the few townspeople who survive the initial onslaught of the vampires spend the next month in hiding, becoming ever more restless as the days go by.  This is the only plot element that really rubbed me the wrong way.  It is implied that, for the most part, the survivors spend their time hiding in attics or storerooms, yet the idea of them staying in a single location for weeks at a time, despite having provisions of food and water, is a little unbelievable, and even if we accept it, none of the actors change much over the many days, despite a little beard stubble and additional dirt on their clothes.  I mean, these people are basically living without bathing or bathrooms….yet still manage to look decently well kept?  I don't think so.

Also, sometimes the vampires perform superhuman feats, and then other times seem to just stumble into the grinding blades of a snow plow.  I guess the point I am trying to make is there is some continuity issues throughout the movie, but it is not so pronounced as to ruin the film. 

All in all, the good definitely outweighs the bad in 30 Days of Night, and it is a highly recommended film from the ESKIMO to all you vampire lovers out there!  Cheers.   

MOVIE NEWS:Murray Onboard for Ghostbusters 3?

I phrase the above title as a question for a reason- because nothing is set in stone just yet- but Aint it Cool News is reporting that Bill Murray made an appearance at Fantastic fest yesterday, and during a Q&A session following the film City of Ember, Murray said he would be open to doing another Ghostbusters film.  Check out AICN's full story here, along with a video of Bill Murray's appearance.

Rumors have been going around for some time now that writers for The Office are penning a script, but no details as to plot or casting have been confirmed. 

MOVIE NEWS:Friday 13th Remake

This is not exactly "breaking" news, but it has been confirmed that the newest installment of the Friday 13th franchise has a release date set for February 2009.

For those interested, I have a full review of the franchise here.  If you've read my review, then you know that I am a fan (for the most part) of this series, but, like most, I have lost interest in the overkill that has become the mode of operation for this franchise since, oh, part 4.  The most recent entries, Jason X and Freddy vs. Jason peaked my interest when they were set to release a number of years back, but were ultimately huge disappointments.

   

Certain elements of the newest installment, though, have given me hope.  First of all, it is being produced by Michael Bay.  Now, if he was directing this film, it might give me pause due to his penchant for pointless destruction and explosions that so muddled the recent Transformers adaptation.  But the fact that Bay is producing, rather than directing, this remake gives me hope that he'll have more of a hands-off approach, yet still have enough influence to give us a much needed fast paced interperatation.

And so far, that is what all of the rumors point to.  Gone are the days of a zombie-like Jason Vorhees moseying along after a half naked co-ed, only to somehow catch up with his rapidly fleeing victim despite never acclerating beyond a brisk walk.  This version of Jason is supposedly a fast and efficient killer...and to that I say:  Bring it on!

Rumors also point to the fact that this film will be a remake, following a condensed plot based on the first 2 or 3 movies, and giving it a more modern twist.  That would be a welcome change, since my biggest problem with the later movies is that they ran out of ideas, and had to throw in some sort of cheesy gimmick in an attempt to make each edition stand out. (Jason Takes Manhatten anyone?)   

So here's hoping for a successfull reboot of one of the most revered horror film franchises in history.  Check out additonal information and feedback at Rotten Tomatoes.  Stay tuned for more info as it develops! 

LIFE'S LITTLE MYSTERIES:Am I Really an Eskimo?

Are you really an Eskimo? Do you live at the North Pole? -b_rattie76442; Location Unknown

Okay guys...I get some form of this question almost everyday so I might as well get it over with. No, Rat, I am not an Eskimo. Though I wish I was! That particular ethnic group has the lowest rates of both heart disease and cancer in the known world! Also, most Inuits (preferred term) live in Alaska, Canada and Greenland; not the North Pole.

Feedback:

Gotcha! You said that Eskimos don't live at the North Pole. But a lot of Alaska, Canada and Greenland are at the North Pole. It's called geography, doofus! -millbrat; Location Unknown

Considering I had to almost completely re-write your nearly unintelligible e-mail for this posting, I would be careful about the names you throw around, "dufis!"

Anyway, you are way off the mark...literally. The North Pole is the point on Earth where the planet's rotation meets the surface. It is a point, okay?. As in not very big.

What you are probably referring to (and failing miserably, I might add) is the Arctic circle, which is often mistakenly referred to as the "North Pole." And yes, the Arctic Circle does include parts of Canada and Greenland, and it is inhabited by Eskimos. But to be PC, the term "Eskimo" is actually outdated. The preferred term is "Inuit."

Feedback Part 2:

Why do Eskimos(it's Inuits, dammit!) have lower rates or heart disease and cancer? -Carla; Forrest, MS

Mainly due to an all seafood diet, as well as adaptation to harsh living conditions. But it should be noted that the suicide rate, as well as cases of myopia are higher than most. Both in part, I beleive, to staring at the snow all day.

Send your questions to: The Eskimo

Out of Pocket:Firefly

Hello Eskimo fans...or whoever you may be!  Welcome to Out of Pocket, the section of my blog where I get to talk about media I am interested in outside of movies.  Television, documentaries, books, graphic novels...whatever strikes my fancy.  So hold your horses, because I have a bone to pick with a major television studio, and I'm not backing down!

I am talking about a little television series aired by FOX back in 2003 called Firefly.  Now, this show was turned on to me by my good friend Captain Black a number of months ago, but I just recently got around to watching the series on-line.  And let me tell  you, this is the best series ever to be canceled after one season.  In fact, it was so good that a feature film was made about it called Serenity (check it out on Netflix.  Shawn and I surely will be whether she knows it or not).

The thing is THE GORAM-DAMN (inside joke) SHOW WAS CANCELED, and there doesn't seem to be any hope of a reprisal.  Let me be the first to point out  (in this column at least) that Firefly was created by the same man who brought us Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  WAIT...DON'T STOP READING!!! Why?  Because this show is so perfectly beyond anything we see on T.V. these days, and it really is a shame that FOX doesn't have the balls to keep it on the air.

This show made me cry.  Twice.  Why?  Because of a sad storyline...a tragic turn of events....an emotional appeal to the audience...little puppies are being killed? NO. NONONONONON!!! It's because I cared about each and every one of the characters...all of them!  This is a western, space opera sci-fi hodge podge of totally incompatible characters and casting that should make for a completely screwed-up, unwatchable show.  BUT INSTEAD, it comes off as a smart and funny existential commentary on the human condition...it is an exploration of family; an a exposition on love and loyalty; and it is a unique interpretation of mankind's bleak future with a healthy dose of America's pioneer-based mythology. 

It is, in a word, serene.  So, here is my challenge to all of you Eskimo fans.  Go to www.hulu.com and watch the first two episodes.  If, after watching, you stop with that...then I want you to comment or e-mail or throw a brick through my window telling me exactly why you didn't like this gem of a series.  But I suspect I won't ever get that message.  Damn you FOX for following the "formula."

BRING BACK FIREFLY!

ESKIMO REVIEWS: The Friday the Thirteenth Series

PLOT:

Let's keep this simple. A young Jason Voorhees drowns at Crystal Lake because the teenaged camp-counselors are too busy having sex to watch out for his safety. Jason returns from the dead (except in part 1, see below) as a disfigured corpse with super-strength, determined to seek revenge on all of the horny teenagers who (for some reason) continue coming to camp Crystal Lake.

REVIEW:

You might think that reviewing ten movies at once would be a major undertaking. Hardly. In fact, this might be my easiest review yet. Let's face it, all of these movies are basically the same, and the plot summary above pretty much covers everything you need to know regardless of which one you watch. Now, don't think I'm being critical. Actually, I think it is a testament to the creators of Friday the 13th for figuring out the ultimate horror movie formula: 1 part disfigured homocidal psycopath + 1 part horny teenagers = graphic death and violence. What more do you want?

Now, for those of you who have not seen each installment, I recommend that you watch at least the first four, as these are the true cannon of the series. The final 6 installments (I'm not including Jason vs. Freddy for a reason, people!) are just strungout spin-offs done by directors with too much time and money. But, as with all great film series, the body of work should be appreciated as a whole, so here is a brief run-down on each film:

Part 1 (The Original):
Theatrical Trailer

This is the only unique film of the series. Mainly because the killer is actually Jason's mother.

In the first installment, we get the back story of Jason's death and lots of naked girls and blood. It is also one of the few films in the series that is truly scary. The final scene is legendary in the horror genre, being one of the few true "jump-out-of-your-seat" movie moments. What happens is...well, you really need to see it!

Part 2 (Part 2):

This is the first film in which Jason is actually the main character. He returns from the dead with a bag on his face (pre-hockey mask), seeking vengence for the death of his mother (which, by the way, her decapitated head is kept by Jason as a shrine). At the end of this intallment, the last intended victim narrowly escapes, and Jason retreats to the woods surrounding Crystal Lake.

Part 3 (Part 3):

Jason returns, and this time we see him without the mask as a deformed monster. He is a reclusive killer until he finds an old hockey mask to cover his face. A legend is born! (Oh yeah, and this one is in 3-D)

Part 4 (The Final Chapter):

If only this was the final chapter! Jason awakens at the morgue, and seeks vengence, blah, blah... Corey Feldman and Crispin Glover star, bringing in big bucks at the box office.

(* Eskimo Note: From here on out, I will only describe the significant differences, as it is all pretty much the same.)

Part 5 (A New Beginning): It's not really Jason, but a copycat killer. Fan's are upset.

Part 6 (Jason Lives): Jason is resurrected by a lightening strike. Alice Cooper performs (I'm serious).

Part 7 (The New Blood): The girl is pyscic. Jason vs. Carrie.

Part 8 (Jason Takes Manhatten): It is set in (drumroll)... Manhatten.

Part 9 (Jason Goes to Hell): Jason dies in the beginning. We never really see him again. His spirit possesses others to do his bidding. Fan's hate it, but speculation of a series-crossover is aroused when Freddy Kruger's arm appears at the end.

Part 10 (Jason X): Jason in space.

Part 11 (Freddy vs. Jason): I know I said I wasn't going to talk about this one, but what the hell! Jason and Freddy face off. I think Jason wins, but it is debatable. The real winner of this film is the studio who raked in 114 million, over ten times the gross of the original, which made only $700 thousand. Justice? No. Typical hollywood? Hell yeah!

So, what's next? I've got my money on Jason vs. Predator (I'm serious), but the Internet talk seems to piont to a Hell Raiser crossover in the future. Only time will tell....

ESKIMO UPDATE:  RUMORS HAVE BEEN CONFIRMED AND IT LOOKS LIKE MICHAEL BAY, DIRECTOR OF TRANSFORMERS, WILL BE TAKING A SHOT AT THE NEXT FRIDAY 13TH FILM.  LOOK FOR A FULL POST ON THIS IN THE MOVIE NEWS SECTION! 

MOVIE NEWS:CHILDREN OF THE CORN REMAKE (as if we needed it!)

Hey guys and gals!  Eskimo here.  Bringing you new updates on the recently announced Children of the Corn remake.

This movie has been remade at least twice, and for some reason I don't think a third will make much of a difference.  All we have so far is a picture of a car with corn hanging out of the back (very original! -click on to EMBIGGEN!).

 

And a picture of an actor/actress that I've never seen/heard of before.  (Thanks to Bloody Disgusting for the pics.  Check out their site for more!)

 

OK, then.  Good luck with all that.  No doub't I'll be seeing this one (and will probably make Shawn see it too!), but only for the comedic-value. 

Stay tuned for more updates!

ESKIMO REVIEWS:Fire in the Sky

PLOT: 

Supposedly based on a "true story," Fire in the Sky is a speculative film about the circumstances surrounding the disappearance of an "average-Joe" named Travis Walton. The case involved five forest-workers in Arizona who claimed to have encountered a UFO that abducted one of their group (Walton) during a camping trip. Walton showed up in a nearby town days later with vague memories of the events that supposedly took place during the time he was missing. The memories that did remain, according to Walton's "official" testimony, pointed to alien abduction and human-testing aboard a UFO. Part of the movie deals with the fact that Walton was reported missing, and something strange did apparently happen, leading the authorities to suspect a possible cover-up or foul-play (being that the claimed UFO abduction was not really taken seriously). The meat of the movie is a fictionalized account of what UFO conspiracy theorists believe may have happened to Walton during his memory time-lapse. As in real life, the film's conclusion is left open-ended, but it leans toward Walton's claim of alien abduction being a plausible answer to the mystery.

REVIEW:

To be honest, this film really scared me. Not as a whole, but parts of it. It is worth noting that I personally have an underlying fear of aliens, especially those thin grey ones with the big black eyes (they still creep me out!) Perhaps this is because I feel that the existence of aliens and UFOs are at least possible, whereas monsters and zombies don't seem that likely. Anyway, for those of you thinking of renting this based on my review, the point I want to make is that I might be alone in my appreciation of this movie. After some research, I have reached two firm conclusions:

1. Most critics hated this movie and thought it was stupid. (Seriously, most on-line reviews were average at best.)

2. The Walton Abduction Case is most likely bogus. You might be saying right now,"no shit!" But what I mean is that, in my opinion, Walton and his buddies set-it up from the beginning as a get-rich-quick scam. (just my opinion...don't sue me!)

That being said, the movie itself was wonderfully shot and incredibly suspenseful (think long, sharp alien needle probe being lowered slowly toward Walton's eyeball...AAAHHH!) Also, the entire sequence showing Walton waking up inside, and exploring, the alien spaceship was done in a fantastically creepy setting. The problem is that it was the best and shortest part of the movie. Still, it left me with a sleepless hour or two that night.

Fire in the Sky is another victim of those "based on a true story" films that would have been better off promoted as just another hollywood movie. I have not yet figured out why studios do this whole "true story" promotion schtick, because they are only asking for scrutiny and ridicule by implying that seemingly supernatural events are true, when we all know that if it was really true, it would have been front page news, and everyone would have heard about it. Of course, after the Blair Witch fiasco, maybe Hollywood has learned its lesson (sarcasm).

All in all, if you are looking for something to believe in, leave this one alone. BUT, if you like creepy, suspenseful films, and are intrigued by the idea of not-so-friendly ETs, then I think you will find this one enjoyable (or maybe its just me!)

MOVIE NEWS:GHOSTBUSTERS 3 (gasp!)Mass Hysteria!!

Hello all! Eskimo here, bringing you possible news  on the much anticipated Ghostbusters 3 film.  Apparently the original director, Harold Ramis (known by many GB fans as playing the character, Egon Spangler, in the first two installments), has written a script, along with another iconic cast member, Dan Akroyd, entitled Ghostbusters in Hell.

Now, keep in mind that nothing is confirmed as of yet, but just the fact that rumors are flying about the possiblity, leads to the conclusion that, at the very least the possibility of another addition to the Ghostbusters franchise is being discussed in Hollywood.

And the rumors ring true.  Ramis co-wrote an directed the first two installments (part two being very much forgetable- see the below You Tube clip as an example), but sources say that he is very much interested in re-booting the film franchise.

For those of you drooling to see the reunion of the original cast (all of the actors in their 60's these days), don't hold your breath.  All indications is that Bill Murray (Venkman), Harold Ramis (Egon), Dan Akroyd (Ray), and Ernie Hudson (Winston) will make an appearance, but only in the role of "mentors" to the new cast which is rumored to include Judd Apatow's usual suspects.  Namely Seth Rogen (Knocked Up) and Jonah Hill (Super Bad).

Regardless of the way this story develops, just the idea of putting the boys in brown back on the big screen makes me adjust my shorts.  Stay tuned for further developments.    

MOVIE NEWS:Hollywood Greenlights a POLTERGEIST RemakeDirector Confirmed...

Once again, in their ultamite wisdom, Hollywood MGM executives have decided that yet another classic film deserves a pointless remake.  This time it's Poltergeist, written by Steven Speilberg and released in 1982.  Bloody-Disgusting.com broke the news of the "rumor" over a year ago, but just recently the redux version of the much-loved horror classic has been confirmed to have acquired a director, Vadim Perelman, known for such films as House of Sand and the recently released Stephen King short-story adaptation, The Fog.

Not a particularly great resume' in my opinion.  Check back for more news as production on this film develops.